Vote for the Greatest Maverick

Vote for Dirk!

GA: Damn Dirk! You should be hangin with us!

AJ: What, you were expecting a washed up Jason Kidd

LH: Hey, does anyone know whatever happened to me?

Office Space

I wonder what made Mike Judge decide that Office Space needed to use the censored version of The Geto Boys "Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta", but the uncensored version of The Geto Boys "Still (Die, Mothafucka, Die)".

These kind of moments are why Office Space has well outlasted its Y2K plotline for entertainment almost a decade later.

The reluctant defense...of my bandwagon!!!

I say this with a disgusted taste in my mouth, A statement that made me want to quit watching the NBA rather then type the words I am about to type.

But I support the trading of Richard Jefferson.

This New Jersey Nets team sucks. Vince Carter chokes on dick on an hourly basis. Nenad is softer then toilet paper, Kiki is as sharp as a bowl of water, and Yi and Bobby Simmons are going to combine for 12 points, 8 rebounds, and 2 assists per game next year. But at least there is hope for 2010!

When the team is gone.

Because the Nets are so Goddamn pathetic that this is this best they can hope for before they move to Brooklyn and try to woo LeBron. And I can only hope he shuns them and this franchise is trashed in the process.

These assholes are stuck here for awhile. And I hope they get what they deserve. It sucks because it means that NJ will likely never get a professional team again, but our fate is already settled on this.

Good Luck Jay-Y. Hope you do as well here as you did with Def Jam.

Holla ATCHA BOY!!! And Go Bucks.

Utterly Shocking.

I rarely rejoice in the pain or misfortune of others, but for the people who thought it was wise to purchase a hot glue gun at the $1 store, only to be burned by the decision, I believe their fate was sealed with so much cheap, scalding glue.

It's okay to splurge a little sometimes.

A Small Step Forward

In a move that is sure to send pong balls sailing towards the heavens in delight, beer and wine may finally start being sold in New Jersey grocery stores.

Gone will be the days of a separate trip to the liquor store to buy beer for your barbecue burgers, or the box of wine to help that hooker wash down her crack.  New Jersey will be one step closer to equality with other states, who trust their citizens to buy a six-pack at (gasp) 7-11!

Trying to explain the inability to do this is like trying to explain to an out-of-stater that we are not allowed to pump our own gas.  There's no truly good reason for this inadequacy.  It's just something we've put up with, while staring jealously at those smug Long Islander's and their gas station obtainable beer.

There are opponents to the measure, of course.  This small liquor store owner makes a valid point:

"It will kill any small business like us," said Dilip Patel, who owns liquor stores in South River and South Amboy. "By passing this bill, a lot of small business is going to be shut down."

Oh, silly, silly Dilip.  Only crappy liquor stores will be closed down.  Good liquor stores will continue to thrive with their beer and wine variety, kegs, and plentiful spirits.  Crappy liquor stores, like the one across the street when I lived in Nutley, will hopefully die a well deserved death.  I think you've been to a few of these places.

-  They sell $6.50 six-packs of Miller Lite when everyone else charges $4.25. 

-  They post hours of operation on the door, then adhere to them only when they feel like it.

- They are constantly out of Bud Light, but they have plenty of Bud Dry. 

- They give you terrible either/or options.  For example, either you can buy a dust-covered fifth of Ketel One for $30, or a plastic jug of "Commrade Boris' Sleepytime Vodcka" for $16.

- They charge $1.50 more then the supermarket for a bag of ice, because they think we are too lazy to make the separate trip to save the money.

Ahhh, but if this passes, we won't have to worry about that anymore.  We can get the basics in the same place as our raviolis and creamed spinach.  When we want variety, we will make a trip to the liquor store the "extra" stop, and not the primary destination.  And best of all, we will no longer be subject to the price gouging of stores fattened from the greed of being the only game in town.

Now, if we could only get beer Slurpees at the 7-11.....

Church fills pews with free gas raffle

Wouldn't that be the perfect slogan on a t-shirt???  "No, stupid clownfucker!", you say??  Well CNN.com says "Yes! Yes! OH GOD YES!!!"

I was curious enough to click on the little shirt link in one of the Latest News headlines on the CNN.com homepage, and apperantly they are now selling t-shirts of the headlines, with the time they are posted on the website.  However, the t-shirts seem to expire after a certain period of time, so you'd better act quickly to get your official CNN.com "Pregnant cop denied desk duty" T-shirt. 

(You know, so you can be beaten with a stick by cops, kicked in the balls by women, and beaten with a stick in the balls by female police officers.)

The current shirts available can be viewed at http://www.cnn.com/tshirt/allshirts/ .

Wish I Thought of That

This article in Slate was excellent, particularly for one well-crafted sentence.

"Maroon 5 is elevator music from the depths of hell."

Perfect.