The Andy Pettite Congressional Hearing Drinking Game

Just when I thought I was free from creating any new drinking games involving Andy Pettite, he has to go and do a thing like testify before Congress.  Let's keep it uncomplicated, shall we?

If Congress declares a statement by Roger Clemens is either false or a lie, drink.

If Congress declares a statement by Brian McNamee is either false or a lie, drink.

If Congress declares a statement by Andy Pettite is either false or a lie, drink 3.

Anytime a congressman mispronounces someones name, drink.

Anytime the name Jose Conseco is mentioned, take a drink and immediately puke.

Anytime Rusty Hardin or Richard Emery speaks, drink until they stop, or someone beats the crap out of them.  You can stop if you go to the hearing and beat the crap out of one or both of them.

If Roger Clemens admits he took steroids, do a shot.

If Andy Pettite admits he took steroids, do 2 shots.

If George Mitchell admits he took steroids, do 3 shots.

If Chuck Knoublach fields a question from Congress only to lob it 5 feet over their heads, do a shot.

If George Steinbrenner attends the hearing, and says something incoherent, do a shot.

If an announcer references Andy Pettite's pick off mood in any context, drink 3 shots.

If Congress mentions Andy Pettite's pick off move in any context, pull out your liver and hit it with a bat a few times.  It'll be quicker.

The Andy Pettite Drinking Game 2008

Since Andy Pettite will be a member of the Yankees again this season, with games to be called by the YES Network and Tim McCarver on FOX all season, and the Mitchell Report implicating Andy in steroid use, it's time to revise the Andy Pettite Drinking Game rules...

The Old Rules (multiply these x4, for the good old days sake)

Rule 1) Whenever the announcers begin to talk about Andy's pick-off move to first base, drink. Stop when they shut up about it for 10 seconds straight.

Rule 2) Every time the word "balk" is spoken, set aside a beer to be drank before the end of the game. You will have a headache tomorrow.

Rule 3) If Andy picks off the runner at first, do two shots. You will be sick tomorrow.

Rule 4) If Andy actually balks...call out of work tomorrow.

The New Rules

Rule 1) Whenever the announcer says the words "steroids" or "Mitchell Report" , drink.

Rule 2) Whenever the announcer talks about Andy Pettite's personal relationship with Roger Clemens, drink until they stop, then double it.

Rule 3) Whenever the announcer talks about Andy Pettite's personal relationship with God, drink until they stop, double it, chase it with a shot and say a Novena.

Rule 4) Whenever the announcer talks about Andy Pettite's personal relationship with Roger Clemens in the same sentence as "steroid injection in the buttocks"....finish everything in the house.

Rule 5) Whenever the announcer talks about Andy Pettite's personal relationship with Roger Clemens in the same sentence as "steroid injection in the buttocks", in the same inning he balks.....become addicted to crack.

The Andy Pettite Drinking Game

Since Andy Pettite will be a member of the Yankees again this season, with games to be called by the YES Network and Tim McCarver on FOX all season, it's time to repost the Andy Pettite Drinking Game rules...

Rule #1)  Whenever the announcers begin to talk about Andy's pick-off move to first base, drink.  Stop when they shut up about it for 10 seconds straight.

Rule #2)  Every time the word "balk" is spoken, set aside a beer to be drank before the end of the game. You will have a headache tomorrow.

Rule #3) If Andy picks off the runner at first, do two shots.   You will be sick tomorrow.

Rule #4) If Andy actually balks...call out of work tomorrow.

37 Days till opening day!